My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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