If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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