How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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