it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
