just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
