apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
