hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
