just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
