he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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