She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
