Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
