so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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