He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
