Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
