I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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