remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
