Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
