my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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