coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
