ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
