HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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