So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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