I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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