South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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