When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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