Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
