you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They took my balls.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
