fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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