Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
