She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
