My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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