well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she looked like the before picture.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
