i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
