Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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