i love accidental penises.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
