Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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