PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
