If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
