I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
