I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
3pm strippers are depressing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
