the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
