Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't put those talents on a resume
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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