i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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