Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
