My room smells like vodka and shame
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
