I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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