I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
is it fun? or sober?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
