Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
