Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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