i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
