I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
