If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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