Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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