Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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